Religious Hate-Fest!

1: Christianity

Christianity is the largest religion on Earth, with ~2 billion adherents worldwide. This effectively makes it the largest reactionary force and hindrance to science in the world. I also hate its self-contradictory and faux-righteous position on stem cell research. It’s also the #1 big social problem plaguing America, which pisses me off because America rules. For example, it put that dolt Bush in office for two fucking terms. And I hate the Pope, the old fart, with his big money and his billion reactionary adherents.

Redeeming Features: It’s adaptable. I can respect that. It adopted multiple pagan rituals, and gifts and chocolate eggs rule. Also, I like the Christian Scientists because they don’t take medicine, and hence die off a lot faster.

2: Islam

Islam is the second largest religion on Earth, and the fastest growing. Also, although most Muslims aren’t international terrorists, most international terrorists are Muslim. Eat shit, you politically correct assholes. It also happens to be the #2 threat to both America and Israel (after Christianity and Judaism respectively). I hate the Ayatollah. I hate the fact that its adherents tend to be among the most reactionary in the world. I hate almost everything about it.

Redeeming Features: None. The whole religion is inflexible bullshit.

3: Judaism

Judaism is the ‘parent’ religion of both Christianity and Islam and happens to be the #1 threat to Israel’s survival, because the religious right wing in Israel is full of fascists who want to massacre every Arab within 1000 km. It also bans pork, shrimp, and cheese-steaks, which is bullshit as all three are delicious. And it’s ‘holy’ book is about the most vitriolic, vile, racist (the Chosen People? come on, you assholes!), classist (except for Hinduism) thing around (this article may be vitriolic, but it ain’t racist – religion is not race, motherfuckers).

Redeeming Features: Hanukkah (latkes!), Purim (Hamantashen!), Woody Allen, Jon Stewart, and Albert Einstein – although I attribute these features more to the ethnic side of Judaism (which I love – it’s why I love Israel) than the religion.

4: Confucianism

Confucianism is the main reason China went from superpower of the medieval world to scared, pathetic giant being crushed by Japan during WWII. It’s focus on family and being close to home meant that China never expanded its economy and never developed the colonies that made Britain the uberpower it eventually became. Also, most of my mom’s bullshit ideas about how I should live come from here.

Redeeming Features: “If we cannot understand men, how can you expect us to understand ghosts and gods? For me, I respect them and I stay away from them.”

5: Lamaism

The most retarded religion in history. And actively trying to ruin its own country. ‘Nuff said.

Redeeming Features: Funny hats

6: Hinduism

One of the biggest religions of all time, thus one of the most damaging. Also is to this day inherently classist and racist, with the caste system one of the main reasons the Indian mathematical super-genius Ramanujan was not able to achieve the entirety of his enormous potential. Also, it says cows are sacred, which is stupid.

Redeeming Features: The Kama Sutra, baby.

7: Buddhism

Deliberately made up of contradictions. “Buddha is Mind and Buddha is not Mind”. If you assume a contradiction any statement is provably true (logic, motherfuckers!), so guess what, jackass, your pants are now officially and provably on fire.

Redeeming Features: The original version as laid down by Siddhartha Gautama seems quite reasonable and moderated (more a philosophy than a religion), but I don’t know enough. If it did start out well, it sure didn’t end so well. Also, not violent enough to be hyper-destructive like the Western religions.

8: Scientology

These people are dumb enough to believe some shit some guy made up – and to pay him for the privilege of hearing more. I mean, it has both “science” and “ology” in it as well – it must be true! All this happened while he (the founder) was alive. At least the authors of the Qu’ran and the Bible and the Torah are all dead, so it doesn’t feel as much like shit some guy made up last night while reading bad fanfiction. The adherents of this religion are the dumbest people on Earth.

Redeeming Features: Aside from being hilarious, it was started for the profit motive and worked damn well. L Ron Hubbard, I salute you for your sheer balls and the way you suckered thousands of people out of their money. Also, it’s one of the few religions to actively and directly make its members poorer.